I AM AN INDIGO CHILD

I am an indigo child. I never fit in in school, in society, in cliques or groups. I never had a label to call my own. I was a square peg, and they shoved me into a round hole. I had no choice.

I cannot blame them. They wanted the best for me. I cannot say that for all of them, but most of them wanted the best for me. They wanted me to go to school and have a good education. They wanted me to be mature and grow. But if you shove a square peg to much, it eventually breaks and tries to fit the mold like everything else.

I was diagnosed with ADD. I wanted to be. Everyone else would turn their work in school and I was the different one, so I wanted to be like them: can you blame me? As a child when everyone else is on the same page you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. If it was ADD then why not take the pill if they can make you better.

I was always bored. I still am bored. So horribly with school, that I considered flunking out. I passed the IQ test. I passed the Mensa test and here I am considering flunking out of high school. I can jump through all their little hoops. I can do all of their little tests, but perhaps I see no real value in it. It makes the soul weary, my friend. And I wonder why I ever bothered at all.

Sometimes I wonder if it is too late for me. I am 18 years old. What is it that I can change now, I ask. I cannot go to Harvard - the smart people's school - when I have nearly flunked out of high school. How can a D-grade student study with college professors without being laughed at? If you could only see through these eyes you would know that each and every day it makes me tired, friend... and I don't know whether I should have just given in and conformed, or if it is still too late to be me.

Much love,
Rachael

Rachael lives in Everett, Washington and can be reached at tankgirl131@aol.com